Thursday, November 20, 2014

A Typical Morning in the Life of a Mom with Two Three-Year-Olds (Non-Preschool Day Version)

5:58AM- Someone coughs and I can hear feet shuffling across the floor upstairs. I am momentarily certain that if I am really, really still they won't be able to find me in my bed.
 (Remain ridiculously still for a few minutes, with or without breathing, until I am brave enough to peek at the door. Two sets of eyes stare at me inches away from my face.)

6:01AM- Samantha immediately begins asking where the cat is.
(She asks no less than three times in a ten second time span.)
Easton begins to beg for breakfast.
(No shocker that he once again wants Halloween candy, and he cries when I tell him that he can't have candy for breakfast.)

6:02AM- I get out of bed, trip over a dog, and walk/run to the coffee maker to switch it on.

6:03AM- Ask Easton if he would like waffles (the frozen kind), pancakes (the frozen kind), or cereal (the non-organic, not healthy kind). He proclaims that he knows what he wants for breakfast... That's right, Halloween candy.

6:04AM- Turn on lights (it is still pitch black outside at this point in the day, for those of you without children), let dogs outside, unload dishwasher, kick randomly scattered shoes towards the door, pull toaster out of pantry, refill water for dogs, turn on the television to the news, and shuffle Easton and Samantha to the kitchen table with bribery of candy, aka gummy vitamin. 

6:12AM- Proceed with the following active monologue:
Me: "Eat your breakfast, Easton. Samantha, put the cat down and get back in your chair."
Me: "You're fine. Eat your breakfast."
Me: "If you don't eat your breakfast, I'm going to take away all your toys."
Me: "If you don't put the cat down, I'm going to put her in my room"
Me: "If you don't... Wait, did I let the dogs in?"

6:13AM- Let in the dogs, who are shivering because they have been outside for approximately nine minutes and it isn't 70 degrees outside.

6:14AM- Wipe the mud up off the floor where the dogs tracked in.
(It hasn't rained in a week, but they made a point to find the only mildly wet spot in the yard.)

6:15AM- Sort the mail. Check the calendar. Panic that it is a school day and I've mixed up my days... again. Realize that it isn't a school day. Take a sip of coffee to realize it is already cold. Ban the cat to the bedroom so Samantha will eat breakfast. Clean up still full breakfast plates because no one will eat anything.

6:16AM- Proceed with the following conversation:
Me: "Let's go use the potty!"
Samantha and Easton in unison: "We don't need to go!"   
Reason with them that after ten hours of sleep they surely need to go to the restroom, only to realize that trying to reason with three-year-olds simply isn't reasonable.

6:17AM- Glance at the clock to see if it is still too early to call my mother-in-law to see if she wants to spend some "quality time" with the twins this weekend... Turn just in time to almost step on the cat who is being aggressively pursued by Samantha and see that Easton is pulling the Halloween candy out of the pantry.  Perfect time to call MawMaw!

Good morning, everyone!

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