Monday, April 6, 2015

A Dear John Letter to My Temporary Furniture

Dear Temporary Furniture,

This has been a long time coming, and I guess that I must have known from the first time that we met that we would not last for forever.

I mean, don't get me wrong, you are lovely in your own way and there are so many others out there that might not mind a little wear and tacky coloring. (Like college students... You'd be perfect in a fraternity house!) I am, however, in love with another color scheme and a completely different kind of style. You have sharp edges, unflattering lines, and are made up of polyester blends. I am more attracted to dark mahogany, smooth curves, and crisp linen or a simple basket-weave pattern.

Additionally, I have noticed lately that you have not been taking care of yourself... That tear on the back of the couch cushion was not there when we first got together, and I am a little concerned that your quality just is not up to par with what my family needs to live comfortably. You can not possibly expect us to tiptoe around your delicacies just because you do not hold yourself to the highest standards. Double stitching is really the only way to go nowadays.

Privately, I have been dreaming about snuggling in another bed with other sheets and another comforter. You are not there in those dreams, and I am happier, much happier. My pillow is fluffier (and not crunchy) and feeling the support and care of another is simply thrilling. You just do not cut it in the bedroom any longer. I have needs, you know!

I must confess that I have been using you for the past two months. You were there and available when I needed the comforts of home. I did not have another option then, but now that something better is waiting on the horizon, you must leave. I need to make room for something better, and that better something is not you. I need you to be gone by Thursday.

I am sorry that it has had to end this way.  It's not you, it's me...? I just need some space...? I'm not at a place in my life where I can commit...? Who am I kidding, I hate you.


PS I'm keeping the TV, the DVD player, and the toaster. Bye, Felicia.

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