Awake My Soul

Is it possible that I've been asleep? 

I feel as though I've been living in a fog for the past few months. 

I know that I haven't been me. 

I've been distant. 

I've been distant from the things that I love the most.

Cooking

Writing

Traveling

Friends

Family

Blake

I've focused solely on two things.

Survive losing my mother.

Survive having two newborn babies.

It's strange that both are connected, woven together with interlocking bands. 

I don't know how to explain it. I am both immensely happy and sad all at the same time. It is such a crazy feeling. The most amazing moments in my life are happening at the very time as the most heart-wrenching. My best day and my worst day were only moments apart. How else can I explain it?

But I can see now, as though I woke up. 

My mom is still here. 

She is in my children.

I love when someone asks me where Easton got his sharp blue eyes.

I smile when Samantha focuses every bit of her attention on the swinging pendulum of a clock that hung in my mother's living room when she was young.  

My soul is beginning to awaken.

Blake has noticed, asking where I've been. 

I have been here all along.

I don't want to be anywhere else ever again.