Thursday, September 15, 2011

Awake My Soul

Is it possible that I've been asleep? 
I feel as though I've been living in a fog for the past few months. 
I know that I haven't been me. 
I've been distant. 
I've been distant from the things that I love the most.

I've focused solely on two things.
Survive losing my mother.
Survive having two newborn babies.
It's strange that both are connected, woven together with interlocking bands. 

I don't know how to explain it. I am both immensely happy and sad all at the same time. It is such a crazy feeling. The most amazing moments in my life are happening at the very time as the most heart-wrenching. My best day and my worst day were only moments apart. How else can I explain it?
But I can see now, as though I woke up. 
My mom is still here. 
She is in my children.
I love when someone asks me where Easton got his sharp blue eyes.
I smile when Samantha focuses every bit of her attention on the swinging pendulum of a clock that hung in my mother's living room when she was young.  

My soul is beginning to awaken.
Blake has noticed, asking where I've been. 

I have been here all along.
I don't want to be anywhere else ever again.

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